Take the example of you and a man on a date, and it’s quickly shaping up to be a great date. Physique-wise, they are off the charts. Imagining him in bed makes you curious. He might be the one, you think.
Then the snag occurs.
It’s not just about a casual hookup, but something long-term.
Will he make a mistake?`
As a general rule, you should be able to do whatever you want as there are no rigid rules to follow in relation to sex. Making good decisions (and feeling good about them in the future) is the most important thing.
Chances are you are here because you don’t want a short answer. In this article, I’m going to go into more specifics about this.
Table of Contents
There is no “right” first time to have sex.
The message we receive about sex is often mixed.
If you haven’t been on three dates already, then don’t have sex.
A girl who goes home with a guy on their first date isn’t good girlfriend material.
A minimum of one month is required.
Have sex if you feel it is right. What good is it to let your body decide what to do?
What’s the answer?
You are not someone else’s sex life, regardless of their sex rules.
Don’t accept anything other than your own rules, and if your own sex rules feel right, go for it. Don’t judge yourself for breaking them if you do. If you feel the chemistry is there and want sex, go for it.
Having sex with someone new is never the right time. All women, all men, and all relationships are unique.
Despite what people may think or say about you, don’t worry about what they are thinking or saying. You are responsible for your choices. No one needs to know what you’re doing.
If you want to have sex for the “right” reasons, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Let me explain.
If you want sex, you should do it, and not because of some ulterior motive.
In other words, don’t have sexual relations with him in the hope it will prevent him from dating others. Make him wait long enough or don’t be pushed into having sex because you think you’ve made him wait long enough.
Decide together when you feel ready, and then take that step.
How Many Dates Before Sex?
Can I have SEX on a FIRST date?
Getting sex for the first time used to be a thing people waited for until they were married. While some people still practice this, the majority do not, as they are not waiting this long.
It is still taboo during a first date to sleep with someone, and most of the stigma is attributed to women.
In her view, this perpetuates a toxic belief that men are the only ones who can get pleasure from sex. Keeps women from connecting with their sexual energy and instills the idea of “safeguarding” it.
As a first date goes, you can absolutely have sex. That’s not anything to feel guilty about.
But Remember, SEX Changes Things
It always happens after sleeping with a guy, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise
The reason for this is not something you’re doing (or not doing)–it’s entirely the way your body reacts as a woman when it’s your first time sleeping with someone.
Two major things happen:
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Your body produces the “bonding hormone” oxytocin.
Mothers release this hormone when they nurse their babies. During particularly good sex sessions, your body will release oxytocin. The decision isn’t yours!
If you sleep with that guy, he is likely to increase his testosterone levels, also known as the “hunting hormone.” Since he is likely to produce more testosterone, he is likely to sleep with other people unless he is very insistent about sleeping with you.
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Your tendency to sleep with others will stop once the bonding hormone kicks in.
A subconscious fear of getting pregnant causes women to avoid sleeping with more than one man at once. This may cause you to accidentally become monogamous with the person you slept with.
Thus, your chances of dating someone who is uninterested in you are significantly diminished.
Probably not what you want!
Tread carefully if you are looking for something serious
It may be in your benefit to wait to have sex if you’re seeking a long-term relationship and not short-term excitement.
In a 2014 study, it was determined that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy had a significantly better outcome than doing so immediately.
A first date that includes sex suggests that you value sex above anything else, perhaps even creating a long-term relationship.
Additionally, you won’t get much of a chance to check if you’re on the same page as the guy. You both seem to just want to have fun, so that’s great.
In that case, it can get messy, and your feelings can be hurt if you want more from him than he does from you.
Furthermore, if you’re having a lot of fun, it can cloud your judgment and make it very difficult for you to see what’s going on. If you know they aren’t good for you, you may find it more difficult to stop seeing them.
My Approach? The 10-hour rule:
My coaching clients always hear me talk about the “10-hour rule.”. For those seeking an intimate relationship, you should spend at least ten hours with someone (alcohol-free).
Exactly why?
The main reason for waiting to have sex when you have just begun dating is that it gives you some time. Once you have been on a couple of dates, you get to know the sanity of the person and the most important reliability quotient. Which is obviously tough to do on the first two dates.
Thus, it is highly recommended to wait to have sex when you have just begun dating.
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